Taughannock Falls, On A Rare Sunny Day :)

One Month In Ithaca, Thank You All For Support

I arrived in Ithaca one month ago. Exhausted and overwhelmed were the two best adjectives to describe me. A bit fearful. The excitement of getting into vet school had long ago worn off.

My feelings of foreboding became feelings of despair as it proceeded to rain just about every single day in June. I fought off a feeling of panic that I would be unable to be happy someplace so dreary. And then, a few days ago, the sun came out and I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked around and suddenly things didn't look so bad.

I finally feel a sense of familiarity. I can find my way around most of the time, even without my GPS. I expect it to be grey and rainy when I wake up in the morning and delight on those rare mornings when it isn't rather than bemoan those that are. I know the people in my lab. I even kind of know what I'm doing in the lab.

I am so thankful for all the support everyone has given me-- DashingBoiSuperTech calling during her finals, Dr Cool calling to say hi, LaMexicana's words of encouragement, Dr PullMyLeg, Eagle Eyes, EB, D, SurrogateSyracuseEnvironmentalParents, Dr E and Dr Perceptive, my family--both nuclear and extended.

It's more than just comforting to hear a familiar voice in an unfamiliar place, it's a hand reaching across the distance to help and also a reminder that there is a whole big world out there beyond the rainy, grey streets of Ithaca, a world that may seem far away when I am holed up in my lab or in the library, but a very bright and large world that I will return to one day when my studies are done and for visits in the meantime.

When It Rains, It Pours (AND HAILS!)

How does that nursery rhyme go? 'When she was good she was VERY good, and when she was bad she was VERY bad...' Well folks, that is the weather in Ithaca. Very bad (mostly) or very good (rarely).

Case in point: Yesterday I hitched a ride into school with another student. It was a beautiful morning without a cloud in the sky (well, not quite but you get the picture). 4:30 pm and the sky becomes overcast. From my boss's office I hear over the radio a SEVERE WEATHER WARNING with that beeping alarm. I look outside. It is DARK. 4:45 pm I decide to leave a few minutes early to miss the storm. I arrived downstairs. It is pouring, hailing in some parts of Ithaca, and there are frequent flashes of lightning followed by thunder.

I am luckily rescued by a kind fellow vet student who not only picks me up but feeds me hot soup (folks, that is how you make a friend for life!)

This is the scene in the courtyard of the vet school during the torrential downpour:


The is the scene just a few hours later on my way home from dinner:

The most intriguing thing about the thunderstorm, though, was the giant dragonfly that landed by my foot. It was as big as my foot, which you probably can't tell from this hastily taken photo:

Here's another challenge for everyone-- can you identify this dragonfly? You think that would be easy, just look up giant dragonfly of New York state, but no, it's probably not that simple. I haven't actually tried this time but from previous brief forays into dragonfly identification it usually is something impossible to tell without a dead specimen under a microscope, like 'does it have three bristles on its front leg or four?'

Fistulated Cows Aka Cows With Holes In Their Sides

What do these three cows have in common? They all have holes in their sides.


I did a double take on my way in to work this morning. This is the kind of thing you read and hear about in vet tech school but don't get to see or use. Of course now that I am at a vet school, this is no longer the stuff of myth and legend but there are real live fistulated cows.

fistula: a surgical opening made into a cavity or hollow organ of a person or animal

A fistula allows for sampling of the contents of the rumen, and, as it was explained to me back in nursing school, to transfer contents from the rumen of a healthy cow to the rumen of a sick cow that lacks the proper bacteria for digestion.

It might look painful, but it is not so there is no reason to be upset. Cows are amazing creatures.

Snow In Spring

I woke up the other morning to find that it had snowed. There was a fine sprinkling of white covering the lawn. Later that afternoon, when I pulled into the parking lot, it was still snowing (see above)!

And the view across the street:


But on closer inspection, it was not actually snow (see below), but some white fluffy seeds that are falling off the trees around here and swirling in the wind just like snow! Bet I had ya fooled!!!
For me it was one more reminder that IT WILL SNOW, unlike sunny San Jose, California.
And today is the first official day of summer, but I took these photos last weekend and back then it was still spring, well maybe not mentally, but locals were quick to remind me that summer had not officially started!

Extra credit for anyone who can correctly identify the tree that sheds 'snow.' I'm guessing it's not a native tree but I don't know. Maybe my SurrogateSyracuseEnvironmentalParents can help out here?

Happy Hermit Thrush:)

That's me this evening, after a long day's work, chillin' on the deck at the frat house with Elle, bulldog/pit bull cross in residence. She's a bit of a bruiser, but I've always had a thing for muscle dogs (See my post on my old blog 'Meet Pete').

Sitting outside soaking in the last rays of sunshine, everyone cooking on the barbecue, sipping wine and discussing... anesthesia. Yes folks, don't forget, this isn't any ordinary run-of-the-mill drink-yourself-into-oblivion frat house, but a veterinary fraternity. And I am glad to be here!

Alphabet Soup and Gobble-dee-gook: A Crash Course In The Jargon Of Cellular Signal Transduction

There are a lot of acronyms in science. A LOT. I went to a talk last week and this well established professor said she thinks one should be allowed to include a sidebar or box in academic papers defining all the acronyms so that readers could refer back to it. I agree!

In my lab and in discussions with other students and faculty at Cornell here are some acronyms I hear regularly. My apologies that they aren't exactly scintillating, however, this is my world these days:

• JNK (pronounced "junk" not as in... well I won't type anything crude)= c-Jun N-terminal kinase

• STAT (not to be confused with an emergency, as in "I need that STAT!")= signal transducer and activator of transcription

• ERK (not as in "That irked me")= extracellular signal-related kinase

• MAPK (pronounced "map K")= mitogen-activated protein kinase

• MAPKAKP= mitogen-activated protein kinase activated protein kinase
  

• PKCζ= protein kinase Cζ, an atypical PKC and unique PKC isotope, important because PI3K dependent activation of PKCζ mediates B cell survival by nerve growth factor

• SARS-CoV= severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus

• S protein= spike protein, "a distinct club or petal-shaped protrusion. It is these proteins that give the virions a crown like appearance (Latin, coronae) in electron microscope images." (Li 2006, almost poetic sounding for a scientific paper)

• N protein= nucleocapsid protein

Backtracking a little for those of you that aren't scientists:

• Protein Kinase= a protein, not just any old protein but an enzyme, that phosphorylates, i.e. adds a phosphate group to, another protein. Important for signal amplification within cells and activating or deactivating cellular pathways
  

And I have yet to figure out:

• MEK=??????????

• Akt=???????????
  

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

... Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there will be Sun!

This is my new motto. I was told that upstate New York is beautiful in the summer. They lied.

It has been rainy, grey and chilly most of the time.

I sometimes wonder if I am suffering Seasonal Affective Disorder in the summer???

However, it is mostly that I am no longer seeing Ithaca and Cornell through rose-colored glasses.

I've come off the initial high and landed rather roughly. I'm sick, I'm lonely and I'm overwhelmed with deadlines.

Of course, all that being said, today is a beautiful day and I am determined to get outside and enjoy some of it, explore some of Ithaca and do my best not to let my cold drag me down.

Thanks-Giving In June

Every now and then something happens that really brings home how lucky I am.

Last night volunteering at the low-income clinic in Ithaca was one of those experiences. I realized how much I have. And it made me wonder unanswerable questions like, "Why them and not me? Why do I have so much and other so little? Why is it that some people are born into families with resources and others not?" And the biggest one of all, the underlying mystery, "Why isn't life fair?"

Everyone who comes to that clinic is indigent. Struggling to make ends meet and care for their pets.

It was clear how much every single client loved his or her pet. Many of them waited for hours in the heat to be seen.

It was also clear how much many of these people were struggling, unable to afford anything more than the most basic care for their pets. (Though some found ways. It makes me think of a time, years ago in the emergency clinic, when a young women came in with a chihuahua with head trauma and pawned her wedding ring in order to pay the bill).

It was both uplifting and heartbreaking. I felt good being there, yet I wanted to be able to do more.

The best part for me was how much the kids wanted to be involved with their pets' care and how they told me all kinds of things about their pets and lives, eager for my attention.

Back in San Francisco, a veterinarian named Dr Ilana Struble formed an organization to provide veterinary care for homeless people's pets called Vet SOS. In an article from SFgate, Struble says:

"I see it as my responsibility, because trying to take better care of their pets is often their biggest incentive to get off the streets."

"As a vet, I understand the human-animal bond. These animals are emotional support and a catalyst for human interaction, especially for those who might avoid interacting with anyone. With all the drugs, violence and stress of being homeless, we've seen that people living on the streets with pet companions fare better."

Struble received the Bay area Jefferson award for her work. As if that isn't enough, Struble is also involved in LGVMA, the lesbian and gay veterinary medical association (also, I believe, based out of San Francisco). Her partner, Michelle McAnanama, works in the human medical field.
LGVMA offers a student scholarship for veterinary students who demonstrate:

• Recognition of the importance of the human-animal bond
• Commitment to improving the environment of and level of veterinary care in all communities, including (but not limited to) lesbian and gay pet owners and pet owners with immunosuppressive conditions including HIV/AIDS
• Commitment to improving the educational environment of veterinary students and to advancing equality among all groups of veterinarians
• Outstanding community and/or university service
• Commitment to the role of veterinary medicine in public health programs and issues of public policy

For years I thought on and off about volunteering for VetSOS but never got around to it. It's never too late, maybe next time I am back in the Bay area for an extended amount of time.

I'm glad that both Cornell and LGVMA encourages students to give back to their communities.

What's Next For Our Heroine?

In part I of this series, we challenge our heroine's fortitude by making her undergo surgery less than a month before she moves across the country.

In part II of this series, we have our heroine and her two cats, accompanied by the noble Coyote, move from the West coast to the East coast. As if this feat is not gargantuan enough, we also have her change her name the same week, so that when she arrives in her new town she has to answer to a different name (though still familiar).

In part III of this series, Hermit Thrush tackles the Ithaca housing challenge, heading up the 2009 Spring Housing Reconnaissance Mission for her trio of roommates, which she wins by in fact finding a house meeting a laundry list of requirements in under one week (though she fails the more challenging time frame of finding housing within 48 hours of landing on the East coast, but we'll give her an A for effort there as she did tour five houses within 48 hours of arrival).

In part IV of this series, HT settles into her summer home frat house and becomes acquainted with her lab group and summer research project.

What next? Well, I'm wondering the same thing. It's been a whirlwind month. This will be my first full weekend in Ithaca (barring a crisis). I'm looking forward to the farmer's market.

Tomorrow I get to go to go my first clinic associated with Cornell-- I'm thrilled. Students are supposed to wear a white coat and bring a stethoscope and watch with a second hand. Sounds so, gulp, PROFESSIONAL:)

Updates From The Lab Front

It's been a long time since I did molecular biology. Half my lifetime ago to be precise (now I suppose that dates me if I also disclose that happened to be when I was in high school).

I'd forgotten some of its quirks and charms. For example, how there is a certain step when extracting DNA when the addition of one reagent causes all the cellular non-DNA junk to precipitate-- I always thought back in high school that it looked rather like egg drop soup at that stage of the protocol.

The plus side is that now, unlike when I was in high school, there are KITS, yes kits, for doing DNA extraction. Where were these kits when I needed them? Where were they back when I had headaches from all the chloroform I was inhaling from extracting DNA from Pleurotus ostreatus?
(I have a penchant for Latin names, I think I could remember the Latin name of just about anything once I've seen it... )

The pleasure of being older and wiser is that most of it actually makes sense to me. It is unbelievable how much more interesting something is when it makes sense.

For example, in high school, someone in my lab once told me what PCR stood for. Without any background whatsoever, it sounded to me like "Preliminary Chain Reaction." That was my mind trying to make sense of nonsense-- I knew it was a reaction we did before something else. What it really stands for is Polymerase Chain Reaction. I didn't even know what a polymerase was back then, let alone a primer or a restriction digest etc. Now the things I worry about are how is real time PCR different from quantitative PCR and is my polymerase likely to have a high error rate...

Stay tuned for my trials and tribulations with Western blots...

Thanks MossMan!

Tonight I was lucky enough to once again spend the evening in the presence of EB and Ianite, this time joined by the rest of their family and another friend.

Watching Ian play yesterday and today, I feel sad realizing that I can no longer entertain myself for an entire afternoon by waving around a brochure, banging a pan (luckily I am so fanatic about my Amish bread that I already acquired a loaf pan from some donations lying around so that Ian had something to bang during his brief stay in my room...) or chewing on a wooden spatula.

It reminds me of a time at work when LaMexicana and NurseYoungSuperStar were watching their puppies frolic on the floor, and NurseYoungSuperStar commented to LaMexicana--"Let's roll around on the floor and bite at each other's necks!" a comment that made us all feel a bit sad because it made us realize that we have lost the capacity to have fun anywhere, anytime, just by playing, the way puppies do-- in their ability to attain pure, uncomplicated enjoyment of the moment, animals often surpass us humans. It is a similar phenomenon with Ian (and children in general, like puppies)-- he has the ability to have fun and adventures exploring objects (mainly cooking utensils and pans it seems) that no longer hold much novelty for me.

I went to Syracuse ostensibly to collect some more of the boxes that I shipped there from San Jose. (Of course I really went to see EB and Ian again, the boxes could wait:)

I brought back five boxes, two of which were too heavy for me to carry (I've got to get rid of more paper...). That is where MossMan came in to save the day (or night as it may be). He helped me unload all the boxes at the Ithaca end. This is a guy I've never met before, but on the strength of the connection through EB's brother CobHouseBuilder and his friend ExperimentalCookingDaycareWonderwoman, Mossman came to help me out. A big shout out from the internet Mossman, CobHouseBuilder and ExperimentalCookingDaycareWonderwoman. I couldn't have done it without you.

It was a fun evening, with only a few real moments of nostalgia. Seeing Ian in the tarantula shirt that I bought for him on one of my thrift store expeditions to the Salvation Army in Gilroy with SelfSustainableNurse and PK made me sad. So did seeing Ian's pajamas, which I purchased at a thrift store in Menlo Park that Dr Perceptive recommended to me this fall. It's funny that the little reminders of home are in Ian's clothes-- I remember buying them so clearly, the day, who I was with, the deadline of leaving hanging over my head. And now, here, on the other side, those same clothes appear in a completely different setting, linking me back to my old home.

Fun With Ianite And EB

Today I saw my friend EB and her son Ian for the first time in almost a year! It is hard to believe it has really been that long since we talk frequently and I have furnished a large quantity of Ian's wardrobe with dog themed outfits (check out these photos and these too).

Last time I saw Ian, he looked like this (taken last August, see Baby, Baby):


EB and I visited a nearby winery, where we tasted enough wine to make me giddy (that's six sips folks, yup I'm a lightweight if there ever was one:) We then went out onto the balcony overlooking the vineyards and tried to explain to the even more tipsy folks out there how we were related-- we're not! First off, they thought Ian was my son because we were both wearing blue shirts (this logic makes perfect sense to EB but not to me). They also think Ian looks like me-- however, I maintain he looks much more like EB than me and even more like his dad, D. Even funnier, they were convinced EB and I are sisters. They could not believe that we were actually college roommates.

EB was my first official visitor in Ithaca. I think it was more delightful to see her than I could possibly have conveyed. Let's just put it this way-- for the two and a half hours that she was here I forgot that it was grey, drizzling and that I am 3,000 miles away from what feels like home. I was that happy. So thanks EB, with all my heart. And if anyone else wants to visit, my door is open.

Summer Reading-- Suggestions?-- And Recommendations

The summer before vet school is like the end of a good Indian summer as a kid, those precious last few lazy, slow, hot weeks at the end of August before the regimen of school is imposed on one once again. (Note, I use Indian summer to denote the hot days at the end of the summer, the southern meaning of the term. From Wikipedia-- "In some regions, such as the southeastern United States, Indian summer is colloquially used to describe the hottest times of the year, typically in late July or August.")

So the question arises, what to read? I don't have much on my reading list at the moment. I've been wanting to read (or more accurately, to finish) J.M. Coetzee's _The Lives of Animals_ for awhile. But there's not much else that I've been waiting to read. So feel free to recommend some things to me. And in return I'll offer up a few of my own recommendations in various veins...

Fiction About Principles Of Math/Physics:
Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott
The Time and Space of Uncle Albert by Russell Stannard
Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman

Popular Science Writing About Genetics and Wildlife Conservation:
*Tears of the Cheetah: The Genetic Secrets of Our Animal Ancestors by Stephen J. O'Brien
The Beak of the Finch: A Story of Evolution in Our Time by Jonathon Weiner

Native Plants/Indian Life in the Bay area:
Gardening with a Wild Heart: Restoring California's Native Landscapes At Home by Judith Larner Lowry
*The Ohlone Way: Indian Life in the San Francisco-Monterey Bay Area by Malcolm Margolin and Michael Harney

Psychotherapy/Psychiatry/Neuroscience:
*Love's Executioner & Other Tales of Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom
An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness by Kay Redfield Jamison
*The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science by Norman Doidge

Southern History:
*Blood Done Sign My Name: A True Story by Timothy B. Tyson

Poetic Prose in Fiction Writing:
The Bone People by Keri Hulme
The Blue of Her Body by Sara Greenslit
Fugitive Pieces by Anne Michaels

Lesbian Fiction:
Aquamarine by Carol Anshaw

** They are all great books, but the ones with an asterik next to them are RIVETING, at least in my opinion.

I Found A Place To Live For The School Year

The single biggest stress my first week at Cornell has been housing. It is the first week of June. My roommates and I have to have someplace to live by August first. Less than two months. So every night after work I've been driving around looking at houses. I finally found 'the one.' It is perfect-- close to the vet school, quiet, big backyard, wood floors and, best of all, fully furnished (none of us own any furniture)!!! Woo-hoo. Finally.

Here are some pictures of what my drive in and back to the vet school will look like (all 1.7 miles of it:)

Double-headed Microscope-- Fun, Fun, Fun!

Yesterday I asked my boss if we could play with two microscopes at once instead of having to share one (my labmate and I share, that is). She told me she needed hers for awhile then we could have it. She emerged from her office not that long after and announced, "You can have the microscope. Double-head it!"

I looked at her quizically (well that might be kind to myself, I am pretty certain I gave her a blank stare). Double-head it??? That's not part of my terminology.

Well, it turns out she was talking about her double-headed teaching microscope. I'd never seen one before. Way cool. Of course it makes sense if one is training residents and constantly reviewing slides with another person-- this way you don't have to keep passing the microscope in and back-- you both see the same view and one person has the controls, the other is along for the ride. Very fancy too. It has a handy red pointer that you can move around on the field. Back in San Jose the emergency clinic had a super fancy new microscope that was all the rage because you could take pictures with it and there was a viewfinder that popped up so that someone could see what you were looking at it. The ophthalmologist next door tested her resident using this scope because it enabled her to kind of see what the resident was looking at. But the double-headed one at Cornell is so much better even than that!

So, I got to spend the day looking at slides, with my very enthusiastic, knowledgeable labmate training me, pointing out areas of interest and quizzing me. It was fun! And beautiful! Histology is very aesthetically pleasing-- I wrote in a post on my old blog this fall:

Not since I first came across fractals in my high school math class have I been so astonished and pleased by the aesthetics of a subject in a scientific field. Just like fractals, there was a psychedelic quality to the images. I was just plain blown away by the beauty of the slides I saw. Who knew a cross-section of the trachea would be so stunning? All that detail-- the hot pink of the epithelial cells lining the trachea, the brilliant blue of the basement membrane (that's the stain binding to the carbohydrates FYI). A cross-section of the eye was a close second as my favorite. The lens a hot pink orb, the cornea even thinner than L and I had imagined (you can see why cats get such nasty corneal ulcers, there isn't much there to start with).

Conceptualizing Familiarity And Other Odd Tidbits

My mom sent me the link to an article in the New York Times today-- "The Familiar Place." It contains the following insight:

It’s disorienting to grasp that the world itself is neutral and that all the familiarity and unfamiliarity I feel is being carried around in my head.

My mom also sent me this useful information in response to yesterday's post:

I just looked up the number of sunny days per year [in Ithaca]. It is an average of 154. So you will see the sun a little less than half the time. The light box will be very useful.
FYI Philadelphia has 93 sunny days, Sacramento has 188, San Francisco has 160 and Raleigh has 111. So Ithaca is not much different from all these other places.

And best of all, Ithaca is already beginning to feel more familiar. It's not really home yet, and won't be for quite awhile, but it has echoes of my college years in New England that are not unwelcome-- for example, today, hearing the bells of the clock tower, the particular tilt of the afternoon sun, the Eastern trees and the hint of humidity all gave me a moment of rather pleasant deja vu transporting me back to my college days. I felt like I'd stepped into the movie Dead Poets Society (whose plot I can't remember at all, just that the film had a big impact on me at the time and embodied the preparatory school feel of the Northeast).

Impervious To The Grey

I keep hearing about how Ithaca is really grey in the winter. I checked my calendar, it IS June 2nd today. And it is still grey. In fact it has been rather grey since I arrived, at least in the mornings-- the sun tends to come out later on in the day. After work, I stopped by the pet store on the way home to pick up some stuff for the cats and the woman at the checkout chirped cheerily, "Did you enjoy the beautiful day?" Um, no. If this is what qualifies as a beautiful day then I am really in trouble-- it was completely gloomy until about two pm!

I am going to get a lamp for my room sometime this week (after I finish running around to look at houses for next year). And then I am going to start using my light box/go light when it arrives (it is unfortunately currently in transit from California to New York) if the sun still hasn't come out.

If only I were actually impervious to the grey...

No More Driving In Circles!

So I finally caved. I bought a GPS for my car (if it were a newer car it would have just come with one and would have saved me the protracted internal debate). I don't like gadgets. I believe a lot of technology actually complicates life rather than simplifying it, as claimed. However, I have overcome my substantial resistance to both acquiring more possessions and technology and now own a GPS.

Moving across the country by myself (well with a little cat wrangling help from my friend Coyote) was HARD. Really HARD. And scary. I moved halfway around the world at eighteen and don't remember it being half this hard (I guess it gets harder the more settled you become...)

But a part of it is the driving. I didn't drive when I moved to a new country at eighteen. I barely drove in DC last summer and when I did, at least to start, I was never alone.

Driving alone in a new place means getting lost. It means getting lost A LOT for me. And that is scary and unpleasant, and there isn't necessarily someone to ask directions from in a rural area.

Hence the GPS. It is part of my attempt to make my life easier, to prevent those moments when I come unglued (though I am beginning to realize that mostly that has to do with how tired I am rather than the seriousness of the particular catastrophe at hand).

I realized that being lost can result in profound social impairment after reading this post-- "GPS Directed Socially Engaged States." Just the title made me laugh. It is from the blog of a therapist in Seattle who generally blogs about things related to trauma therapy and whose husband is an avid birder and professional photographer. She wrote this post in the context of a car trip she and her husband took to Big Sur (condor territory) after the UCLA trauma conference in early March. It's highly recommended reading, hey, it helped convince me to get a GPS:)

(And for those of you looking for interesting blogs-- check out her blog 'Trauma & Attachment Therapy'-- it's a favorite of mine along with The Homeless Parrot and in a way not so different, both blogs are written about work in a particular profession, and both deal with trauma just in different contexts).