Financial Aid Deadlines

So, my FAFSA and CSS are due tomorrow, March 1. Guess what time I submitted them? Just now, at 11 pm Feb 28. Yup. I've always been really bad about financial aid and do it last minute, but at least it gets done.

The first year that I had to fill out a FAFSA and CSS it took me hours and hours and I found it extremely confusing (be warned if you are applying to vet school and have relied on your parents to do this before that it needs to be done well before April 15, the earlier the better as some aid is now on a rolling schedule). This is my third time round filling out these forms and it now seems quite straightforward.

It has occurred to me that even though I am only about halfway through veterinary school, I will only ever have to fill out one more set of financial aid applications for vet school (this time next spring). Yahoo! Somehow this makes me feel much closer to graduating than I actually am.

In order to do my FAFSA and CSS I had to do my taxes, various papers for which I organized last minute at SyracuseSurrogateParent's last week. SyracuseSurrogateDad made a funny comment after I explained that I paid an accountant to prepare my taxes because I have multiple states (plus some other complexities). He said, "So do you get taxed differently in different emotional states? Like if you are in a state of silliness is there a different rate?" If only he knew! It definitely makes me smile every time I think about it.

Spring In Ithaca

overnight the trees are blooming
not sprouting leaves or flowers
but bearing fluffy cotton snow
from last night's storm
white puffs thickly coating the branches
blowing off in bursts of snow pollen
to cover the ground

this is ithaca in spring
the snow is wetter
clinging to, piling on the branches

*

It snowed yesterday in parts of the Bay area, including near PK, for the first time in almost half a century. PK loved it, according to her mom. It makes me homesick. I'm used to seeing Mount Hamilton coated in snow, rising up behind the nearer mountains, white cap poking out. I wish I could have seen my regular haunts with snow.
There is a book by the title of Crazy Weather, published in 1944, that I read a few years back about a boy caught between the Mojave and white people's worlds. It was during a stretch when I read everything I could about how the West, and California in particular, used to be. I think of this book, by association, when I think about the weather because we are certainly having crazy weather now.

Snow walk

wet dog smell: musky, yeasty-moist
tail tucked between her legs
shivering
shake it off, shake it off

flakes clinging to her hair
eyebrows, hat, gloves, jeans

loping along the shoulder of road
snowdrifts higher than her head

sky merges seamlessly into ground
white on white, not even a hint of horizon
the only crease an occasional chain link fence
or clump of woody plants, tips poking out from
under a thick blanket of snow

Turning 33

a small zygote of a poem (still a work in progress):

light

lightness

alight

flight

the atrium is suffused with sunlight

her veins infused with liquid luminescence

walking up stairs to the library

her body almost weightless

there is a bounce to her step

she could push off and take wing

I Bought My Cat A Scarf Today

Yes, you read that correctly. I bought my cat a scarf today.

This morning I got up bright and early in order to go to a flea market at the Varna community center building just down the road from me.

I walked in and there was a woman with a whole table of scarves. One of them was the softest scarf I have ever touched, a cashmere mix. It was 50 cents. I just knew that Simon, hedonist of hedonists, would love it, so I bought it for him.

I came home, threw my stuff down on my bed and went to the farmer's market. When I came back Simon was curled up on the scarf. He's been nuzzling his face into it all night. I didn't even fold it or arrange it. When he gets up I am going to place it on the bed next to my pillow and perhaps this will discourage him from trying to sleep on my pillow (which inevitably results in Simon gradually displacing me so that my whole head is on the mattress and he is curled up on the pillow. Nevermind that I have two pillows for this reason. We both prefer the same one!)

Also purchased at the flea market: a video on potty training with a reggae tune featuring the song "I've gotta go." No folks, this is not for my own enjoyment, but for Ianite. Hopefully his parents will approve.

Overall, I must admit my purchases tend to be bizarre.

Moon Blindness

stepping out from the artificial
hospital world of dim fluorescent light
into crisp, clear night
the moon is blazingly white
she realizes
brighter even than the streetlight

(writing brings involuntary memory
the realization she's echoing ani difranco:
i realized that night that the hall light
which seemed so bright when you turned it on
is nothing compared to the dawn which is nothing
compared to the light which seeps from me while you're sleeping)

she once wrote on a similarly
clear night
the moon's detail
was finer than a mammogram

tonight the sharp contours of grey craters
remind her of marble etched in bas-relief

staring into the dazzling light,
she thinks, 'moon blindness'
can't quite place the term
rising up from the murky recesses
of her memory

moon blindness
the poetically named horse disease
chronic recurrent uveitis
she memorized the name this fall
as most commonly caused
by the spirochete leptospira

she marvels how the language of medicine
comes unbidden, leaking out
from the sliding glass doors
behind her

Sharplaninas and Polish Lowland Sheepdogs

I saw two dogs tonight whose breed I had never come across before:
The sharplanina and the Polish lowland sheepdog. The sharplanina was very striking, it looked a bit like a cross between a malamute and Irish wolfhound at first glance.
I'm not really into purebred dogs but I do find it interesting when I come across a dog the likes of which I've never seen before. There are a few breeds that are really quite striking-- I came across my first Afghan hounds last year and was startled by their unusual appearance.
I consider myself pretty good with dog and cat breeds, barring the super rare ones. I wish I could say the same for horses and livestock!

Chicken Roe

Today in avian anatomy we finally got to the part of the bird that has most intrigued me since we first started dissection-- the reproductive system. How birds lay eggs is so fascinating. I'll have to update this post later with more information.

In birds, the right ovary typically atrophies leaving behind just a left ovary. The ovary looks to me a bit like a cluster of pomegranate seeds buried underneath a cluster of yellow yolk grapes of various sizes. I'd like to write a poem about it but haven't quite figured one out yet.

One of my dissection partners commented today, 'Why don't we have chicken roe?' All the tiny developing oocytes look a lot like red fish roe (as well as like pomegranate seeds). I guess you could have chicken roe. That would definitely be a daring item to put on a menu. Perhaps I'll try it sometime if I buy a whole chicken.

Just Call Me 'Sharpshooter'

Yesterday in my Management of Captive Native Wildlife course we got to practice techniques for anesthetizing wild mammals. This involved injection by a pole syringe, blow darting and darting using an air gun. I was mediocre at blow darting (finally got it in the target on my third try but in the vertebral column, oops) but great at darting with an air gun. I got it in the flank on my first try. Yeah. Just call me sharpshooter.

It was a really fun lab but I can imagine it would be tremendously stressful to actually have to use any of these techniques on a wild animal, especially without much experience. If I go into this area of medicine I will end up doing a lot of target practice as part of my training. Pretty wild. It's amazing how many different skill sets are required for the many branches of veterinary medicine.

Valentine's Day And The Joy Of Being Single

I've heard a lot of grumbling from my few single classmates about the loneliness of being single on Valentine's Day. As for me, well, I think romance is overrated. I guess you could call me jaded from the bad relationships I had in my 20s. But the truth is that I genuinely like being single the majority of the time.

I like the freedom of being able to do whatever I want whenever I want without having to consult someone else. No compromises. I like having time to write and walk alone. I like not having to try to meet someone else's needs. I like having deeper friendships because I have more time for friendships. I like not trying to date or meet people for the purpose of dating but rather just enjoying time with those who share things in common with me without worrying about whether someone "likes" me.

I like feeling complete on my own. I'm not looking for someone to make me happy or be my "other half." I don't need a partner to feel whole or happy.

Here's a quotation from a piece I read recently by Elaine Leeder called 'Reflections of a Midlife Lesbian Feminist Therapist' that really resonates with me (italics mine):

I danced and soared for having something in my heart besides the pain. I danced and wept for coming out of my crisis of the spirit and for doing it by myself, rather than through the love of another, which I know can be removed at any time.

This isn't to say that I don't know lots of people in good relationships-- in fact, all of my friends are in relationships, most married. I'm happy for them and it is nice to see examples of solid relationships, I'm just not sure it is for me. Certainly it is easier for me to be single in vet school given all the demands school makes on my time, and well, whatever happens after I graduate I'll just have to see...

Fun Weekend: Trip To The Syracuse Zoo

Above: Ocelot (taken without a flash).

It was a nice weekend. I started out Friday afternoon with a chicken dissection, solo, in the prep room of the gross anatomy lab. It seems that every time we do dissection for the class, there is at least one extra chicken left over. I always beg the professor for an extra chicken and each time he's given me one. I then go back and do the dissection again on my own when I have a block of free time. I always learn more the second time around, especially when I can go slowly, at my own pace, and take time to really ponder things.

I went straight from gross lab to radiology, where I helped do a barium study on a 130 pound rottweiler! His head was huge. So handsome, a show dog. We almost never do barium studies at Cornell, thankfully, as this one went late into the night. I learned how to take DV and lateral standing radiographs since he growled if he was forced to lie on his side but was quite used to standing on platforms, probably from being shown, and was very cooperative and well-trained as long as he got to stand.

Saturday I got up early to go to the zoo. I got to observe an ultrasound of both a female and bull elephant's reproductive organs. It was absolutely amazing beyond words to witness the trust and bond between the elephants and their keepers. The zoo does not use any negative reinforcement, the elephants are trained by receiving awards for desirable behavior, paired with commands. The bull was well-behaved, but unpredictable according to the keepers. The females seemed so gentle and docile.

I also got to see the newborn sloth-- only 4 days old-- up close. However, we were asked not to post any photos of the elephants or baby sloth online, hence the ocelot photo.

I went out for lunch afterwards with several classmates at Dinosaur's BBQ, which I'd never heard of, but which is apparently legendary. It was a cultural experience. Crowded beyond crowded with a definite biker crowd. The food was OK, but not my type-- heavy, mostly meat and very American whereas I like ethnic, spicy and vegetarian.

In the afternoon I went to visit SyracauseSurrogateParents who indulged me in making a recipe I had long been wanting to try for carrot ginger beet soup (you can find it here). It was delicious and an aesthetically pleasing magenta color. SyracuseSurrogateMom had also made her delicious biscuits, which we had with various assorted jams made from fruit they had hand-picked. I got to spend time talking with them as well as skyping with EB, D and Ianite after dinner. And I got to go home with two containers of soup and chocolate chip cookies! They also had the foresight to offer me a cup of coffee before I left as it was getting late and this ensured I was wide awake for the drive home. I don't usually drink coffee but was grateful for it then. (Thanks:)

This morning I worked in radiology again. I got to take radiographs on the sweetest little chihuahua, which was awesome because we hardly ever see chihuahuas in Ithaca and I really miss working with them. I had a funny moment with the intern whose case it was when I told her that I miss living someplace with lots of chihuahuas and more cultural diversity. She looked at me blankly and said, "You mean diversity of dog breeds?" And I said, no, in California a lot of Mexican immigrants own chihuahuas and so I associated having more chihuahuas with having a good sized Hispanic population, which sadly Ithaca does not. (Ithaca is without a doubt the whitest and most homogenous town I have ever lived in).

I also got to take rads on a Newfoundland with GDV. I was quite proud that I got a diagnostic rad on my first try. My radiographs are definitely improving, I know my landmarks and can even predict where the stomach will be on a foal-sized Newfie that is torsed on my first try. I'm also getting much better at estimating the settings when they are beyond the range of the technique charts.

And now, it's time for bed so I can get up for 7:30 am radiology rounds.

Snowstorm

It's snowing sideways-- small, hard flakes, as if someone had turned on a snow machine blowing out snow from the East.

Sandstorm. Dust storm. Snowstorm. Swirling frenzies obscuring all. She thinks snowstorm is a misnomer, it conjures up images of snow falling thickly but peacefully. Blizzard makes her think of white-outs where the snow pelting her windshield becomes a dazzling blur of pure white specks. But there is no word for wind whipping up powdered snow. Mini snow tornadoes sweep across the street with each strong gust.

She walks to school. Her jeans are soaked with melted snowflakes by the time she arrives. The tips of her ears tingle once inside. She savors the warmth, the flush of her blood vessels dilating.

More Snow

I woke up this morning and it was snowing a lot. I've realized with some surprise that I actually like the snow this year. At least if it is going to be cold and grey, it might as well snow. It makes everything so much more beautiful and it is really peaceful. The peacefulness is something I have had trouble accurately portraying in either my prose or poetry, which is frustrating. I posted Wallace Steven's "13 Ways Of Looking At A Blackbird" on my blog last winter, but it's worth posting excerpts again because I think of it almost daily. It really describes life here (except we have many more crows than blackbirds).

I.
Among twenty snowy mountains
The only moving thing
Was the eye of the blackbird

XIII.
It was evening all afternoon
It was snowing
And it was going to snow.
The blackbird sat
In the cedar-limbs.

PK

I thought before I started posting photos of freezing Ithaca, I'd post one of my favorite photos from my recent trip to California: PK (Precious Kid aka Precocious Kid). Here she's posing with one of the tamer chickens from her family's backyard flock. Note also the butterfly tattoo on her hand-- I like to bring her neat fake tattoos and we have fun picking out which ones to put on.

It was unbelievably warm and sunny in the Bay area, much more like Southern California weather, which of course, I enjoyed immensely. It also meant I got to spend some time outside with S and PK. I was even able to do one of my favorite hobbies-- sanding, staining and finishing wooden wine boxes (which are much easier to get in the Bay area than Ithaca-- most of the stores will just give them away). I don't think I will be doing any woodworking outside for many months in Ithaca.

And just for kicks, here's a photo PK took of me back in July on my last evening before I headed back to Ithaca for the start of school. I think it's funny we're both wearing similar outfits and holding the same chicken.

Best Date Ever

Valentine's day and my birthday are rapidly approaching. Both of which I will mostly spend alone. Sometimes I feel left out listening to my classmates talk about things they are planning to do with their significant other on Valentine's day and celebrating each other's birthdays. Albeit, I have a very interesting weekend coming up (I'll be heading to the Syracuse zoo on Saturday for an introduction to elephant reproduction via artificial insemination followed by dinner with SyracuseSurrogateParents). Still, it wasn't quite enough.

I decided there was no reason I couldn't go on a date by myself, with myself. My classmates go out to fancy dinners to celebrate events with their significant others. Why should being single stop me from having a nice romantic dinner? So I made reservations at a restaurant I've been wanting to try for a year and a half but can never find anyone to go with me (perhaps because it is quite a drive, being in the neighboring town of Trumansburg), Hazelnut Kitchen.

Even though I had made a reservation for one, when I got there the host asked, "Just you?" and I replied tacitly, "Yes." I arrived right when they opened and so had my pick of seats. I chose to sit in the window at a table for two, facing the street, illuminated by an old fashioned street lamp.

They offered me the wine menu, but I declined, saying I would have to drive back to Ithaca in the bad weather and so wouldn't be able to drink. I asked for a list of their non-alcoholic drinks and they kindly brought me a fizzy orange Italian soda that they elegantly poured into my wine glass. I sat by the window sipping my soda out of a wine glass feeling quite content and uncharacteristically posh. Later they brought me delicious bread with their homemade chive butter.

I ordered the roast quail, although I am normally vegetarian. It was absolutely mouth-wateringly delicious. With a side Caesar salad topped with warm, olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette soaked roasted artichoke. I ate slowly, enjoying the silence, the relaxed state of not having to make conversation or struggle to find something to say to someone after an awkward silence. It was very peaceful and I can honestly say I savored every bite of the meal much more than I do when I'm with someone.

About halfway through my dinner it started to snow quite furiously. By the time it came to order dessert, I declined, saying I'd love to but I wanted to get back before the roads froze.

I was extremely lucky that I made it home in one piece. In the short time I'd been at dinner, three inches of snow had accumulated on my car! The National Weather Service had issued a severe weather warning for the evening that I foolishly ignored (granted, their three previous warnings for the week had amounted to minimal snow and no ice). But this time they were right. The freezing rain turned to blinding snow that coated the thin crust of ice on the roads. I pulled over on a side street to think about how best to approach the drive home when, quite serendipitously, a plow truck came by and I pulled in behind it and followed it all the way back to Ithaca. I couldn't see the road at many points but I could see the flashing lights of the plow truck just ahead of me and followed them and thereby stayed on the road. On my drive I saw a total of three police cars and two fire engines accompanying several accidents and spin outs. It only took me six tries of getting up the driveway and shoveling madly in between each try to finally park my car and get to unwind from the drive. I'll try to post photos soon. And I am already thinking of when I can next make a date with myself at a nice restaurant. Perhaps my birthday?

Freezing Rain

The rain is gritty. Splattering on her windshield the tiny quartz pellets of ice within each raindrop fan out in a circle from the point of impact. Half-frozen raindrops. She can almost taste them in her mouth. Ice chips, like they gave her grandfather when he was dying.

The pavement is gritty. Salt and ice mixing to form a thick layer of slush. Her old sneakers have slick soles, she slips and slides on the sidewalk downtown, on the steps of her house. Shave ice. She remembers S correcting her this summer. "Shave ice, not shaved ice." The sweetness with which PK would grind up the ice, add juice, and offer it to her. The pavement is shave ice with salt for flavoring.

Word Of The Day: Myelophthisis

Myelophthisis is the term used to describe the metastasis of peripheral neoplasia to the bone marrow. In humans, carcinomas of the breast, the prostate, and the stomach are the most common neoplasms to infiltrate the bone marrow. --From 'Causes of Canine Pancytopenia' by Sonjia M. Shelly

Long Overdue Update

So, I've been quite delinquent in writing. I just haven't made time for it. Here's a brief update on what I've been up to:

• I went back to California over break and worked most of the time. I really enjoyed working. The vets let me suture up the simple lacerations and I got to scrub in on a simple enterotomy. I also did my first mouth to nose resuscitation on a newborn chihuahua born by C-section that just wouldn't breath. It was very rewarding to see this white as a ghost little puppy go from being limp and lifeless to pink and crying. I've never gotten to resuscitate a puppy before because I've always been the anesthetist for C-sections on my shift.

• I returned to Ithaca and spent a dreary week working in radiology.

• I went to Florida with my mom for a lovely, warm, sunny vacation where I had the most amazing day of birding at Black Point Drive that I have had in years. Will try to post photos soon.

• I went to North Carolina and got a chance to catch up with EB, D and Ianite.

• I came back and spent a long time agonizing over distribution classes. In the end I chose to take:

1. Clinical pathology (I love it. Perhaps I am destined to become a clinical pathologist?)
2. Management of Fluid and Electrolyte Disorders
3. Antimicrobials
4. Avian Anatomy
5. Emerging Infectious Diseases
6. Literature of Natural History (with Dr. Evans who co-wrote Little Miller's Anatomy book)
7. Managment of Captive Native Wildlife
8. Student Rounds in Radiology
9. Pet Loss Support Hotline

Sadly, I could not fit in toxicology, conservation medicine, diseases of birds or comparative anatomy. Those will have to wait for my next distribution period. Something to look forward to.

• Since I've been back in Ithaca we have been hammered by a series of fierce winter storms. We are just outside the snow belt, so even though we are an hour from Syracuse, we have gotten much less snow than them and much less than Connecticut and Massachusetts. It still seems like a lot to me, enough that I'm shoveling the driveway several times a day and walking to school sometimes because conditions are so bad. At least it's good exercise, which improves my mood tremendously.
  

Round 4: I Advance

So I passed block 4. Yay. It was, however, my lowest grade, which is a bit disappointing, but nowhere near probation so still good enough.
More importantly, I was much happier than last year and had a decent social life.
I'm currently in distributions, which are elective courses, then in the spring I start block 5, which is the last block of classes before clinics. Next year I will be done with all the core classes in December. Yahoo.